A lot of my interactions with Transwomen have centered around discussions about physical appearance. There is very little real discussion on the other aspects of transitioning to womanhood. I have found it hard to reconcile with this.
Are all transwomen this shallow?
I first learnt about Gender Dysphoria at a late age – 36 to be precise. Its the age where you don’t just jump into a decision. You evaluate the pros & cons, and then cross reference your evaluations and then go back to check everything. And I was upset with the diagnosis because a cure to what was affecting me would involve a huge change that I was not sure I could handle. So much so, I didn’t start with HRT even after my then therapist in Delhi advised me to go for it after 2 years of therapy. I needed a second opinion. And then a third.
In the past 4 years, I met up with a number of Transsexual girls who were in differing stages of their transition just so I could better understand the challenges and take informed decisions. The one common thing I noticed in my interactions, is that I found the girls I talked to incredibly shallow. I am sorry to use that word but that was what I felt. I saw an almost unhealthy obsession with physical appearance which I don’t think is healthy.
Almost all of them were obsessed with breasts – the size and shape. Almost all of them had multiple cosmetic surgeries to enhance size and change shape etc. Just couldn’t understand it! I mean, are big shapely breasts the most Important aspect to being a woman?
One example: Sonu completed her transition 3 years back. So beautiful, that guys hit on her all the time. She is a complete woman in almost every sense of the word. She is from Uttaranchal, and she has the fair skin, light eyes thing going for her. Not only is she “passable”, but she is va-va-voom hot! No one who sees her (or even sleeps with her) will know unless she told them. From where I see it, her transition was complete when she got the big snippy-doo-daa done. But since that big operation, she has had surgeries to remove her adams apple, enhance her waist & butt, facial reshaping and multiple surgeries on her mouth and ofcourse her breasts.
The Boob saga: She first got her breasts surgically enhanced to a D cup a year before her big operation – around the time she started living as a woman. A year later she visited a surgeon in Delhi for another surgery because she “didn’t like the shape”. If that weren’t enough, she actually had 2 purely cosmetic operations done “down there” AFTER the big operation – first time to remove the scars she imagined she saw and the 2nd time to beautify the area (whatever that means).
I am learning about cosmetic procedures that I didn’t even know existed! The last “operation” she got was last month when she tattooed her breasts because she wanted larger areolae. And she has already started planning her next surgery to remove one of her ribs! 😯 OMFG!
If I start counting, she has been getting 2/3 surgeries a year on average for the past 6 years! Is that healthy? I just cant figure this out! Why is there so much pressure to conform to a certain look? And is the “Jessica Rabbit” look, the one to aim for? Really? Why?
That was my biggest concern as I pointed out to my therapist also. I certainly don’t want to end up as a plastic surgery junkie! Hormone Therapy will by itself get me to an A/B-cup which i will be more than happy with! The only surgical intervention I might even begin to consider the big snip down there maybe 15 months from now in Canada. Thats it! I don’t think I am going to change my attire either unless its for a Dinner Date at home with someone special ;-). I am happy with my current dressing sense. If that means I look like a Tom Boy then so be it! My friends are horrified to hear this and say you are going to look like a dorky lesbian! So what! Thats also a choice no? Whats with this obsession with conforming with a certain look? Isn’t there much more to being a woman than just dressing up slutty?
For me a big challenge I see is that there will be an impact on my professional options. But the biggest concern is to deal with the emotional stress of dealing with the transition. Will I be able to handle it? My straight friends don’t seem to quite understand it. My TG friends, who I thought would help having gone through with it, seem to be all concerned about boobs & lingerie!
What do I do?