Its been a year since I gained some insight into my condition. And it hasn’t been easy. It has taken a year to fully come to terms with it. I now need to think of ways in which I can resolve this crisis. And a lot of questions in my mind as I set out to address this.
The primary question: SHOULD I TRANSITION?
The topic has occupied a fair amount of mindspace the past year since I first found out about Gender Dysphoria. Have been scouring the internet looking to read up about the condition and how others have dealt with it. Met up with people who are in various stages of transitioning, doctors who specialize in SRS – even flew down secretly to bangkok to get a second opinion. But still a lot of questions as I try to figure out what next?
Self-Acceptance: The biggest obstacle so far was to come to terms with it: and I think I have finally crossed that barrier which I did last Thursday. In one sense, it feels like a spiritual rebirth almost. Very liberating feeling!
Coming out: I am already out as a gay man. I don’t advertise the fact, but I usually come-out to people on the 1st or 2nd meeting. Whether to come out as Trans? I don’t see why that should be necessary. It might be a professional impediment.
Who are you doing this for? My therapist asked me this question when i broached the topic. Short answer: Myself. Having a body to match my mind. Not in the hopes of landing a guy – THAT ship has sailed.
Body Image: Here is where it gets murky. When I visited a renowned doctor to enquire about SRS, he was kind enough to walk me through the entire process as done here. And it set my head whirling! According to what I was told, I need to undergo counselling for a year, followed by living in the identity of the chosen sex for another year before the counselor gives the approval for any surgery. HRT – Hormone Replacement Therapy can begin six months after beginning the process, cosmetic surgery after 12 months. But any other form of surgical intervention cannot happen before 2 years at the very least!
Its easier in Bangkok. And less expensive. But even then there is an expectation that any person opting for SRS must necessarily adopt a feminine appearance & dressing.
I ask why. Do all women have to wear short skirts and dresses? Why do I have to wear makeup? Why cant I continue being the person I am now? Why can’t I continue wearing what I wear now? Why do I have to adopt my appearance to match my chosen gender? I mean why do I have to “fit-in” to some gender stereotype to get the surgery?
I am comfortable in my own skin except for my weight. I also like the way I dress now. I don’t want big boobies either – I will be happy with an A-cup.
I dont want to dress in womens clothes. I dont want to wear makeup (except maybe some kohl). And I dont want to flaunt a big cleavage.
I really dont understand why I have to dress up as a woman for a year before I am allowed to go in for a snippety-snip and tuck.
Things I would like to do:
- Lose weight. I am around 84kgs now. Want to bring this down to 65-70 levels and gain some tone.
- Laser hair removal
- Start HRT – prescription stuff.
- Genital Reassignment – Not immediately. But a year down the line. Hopefully I will have shifted to Canada by then.
The only big change I want to make is Genital Reassignment without really transitioning to different appearance. Is that really being unreasonable?
Would really appreciate answers!