Oct 05 2012

Top 20 mistakes men make in bed

Men really need to read this. Straighties should too – since life is like a box of chocolates and you never know who you gonna get! 😉

1) GETTING STRAIGHT DOWN TO BASICS.
Most common problem in our world! Just unzip and shove our hands down your pants!? Avoiding foreplay and getting straight down to basics makes us feel like you’re paying by the hour and trying to get your money’s worth by cutting out non-essentials. Now we don’t ask for scented candles and an expensive Italian dinner (though those wouldn’t hurt). But set the mood with some foreplay man! A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2) NOT SHAVING.
Men often forget they have a velcro-strip strapped to their chin which they proceed to rake repeatedly across our face and otherwise. A thick, well trimmed beard can be fun! But a 2 day stubble? Uh uh! ? And when we turn our head from side to side, it’s not coming from passion, it’s trying to avoid getting scraped. Know the difference bwoyz!

3) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
A massage can be an arousing exercise if done properly. Aim for a sensual, relaxing massage to get us in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

4) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don’t force the mood by stripping before we have at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it’s just undoing a couple of buttons. And I cant stress this point too hard – lose the socks first man!

5) MOOB PLAY.
Or as some Mo’s put it: “Pec Worship”. Essential part of foreplay, yes! But most men, especially the straighties, behave like housewives testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hands on! If this is how they do it with their women then god bless those women! You are making love, not buying fruits at the village market! Stroke, caress, and smooth! Search for “Muscle/Pec Worship” on Youtube (NSFW)” for a better understanding!

6) TUNING THE RADIO
Nipples are certainly the most erogenous zone for both sexes. But why do men clamp down like they’re trying to deflate us with their teeth? Nipples are highly sensitive. They aren’t meant for chewing! Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is VERY GOOD. Pretending they are your Labrador’s chew toy IS NOT!

And yes, stop doing that thing where you twiddle a nipple between finger & thumb like you’re trying to find 91.1 FM. Focus on the whole area, not just the exclamation points. If you must do it, be gentle! Know the difference between tuning and pinching! And wetting your fingers before “tuning” helps! A LOT! 😉

7) FINGER PLAY.
Finger stimulation can feel good for men because we have a prostate. But it has to be done right! Don’t try it unless you know what you are doing! Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along the sides till you find it. And trim your nails please!

8) PUSHING OUR HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to what they want. It’s like being dragged to a cave by a Neanderthal. If you want us to use our mouth, use yours: try saying it!

9) NOT WARNING US BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more cleaning up! Sperm tastes like salt water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it! So when we are down there, warn us before you come so we can do what’s necessary.

10) MOVING AROUND DURING THE JOB.
Don’t thrust. We will do all the moving around during! You just sit there and don’t grab & pull. Running your hands through our hair is yes !

11) TRYING PENETRATION.
Not every gay dude wants it, and even if he does, it most probably will not happen the first time! If you want to put it there, ask first. And no-being drunk is not an excuse!

12) GOING TOO FAST.
When, and if, you do get in, the absolutely worst thing you can do is pump away like a Steam Engine! Build up speed slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

13) MAKING US RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Now Bot on Top can be fun – Cowgirl or Reverse Cow Girl! Asking us to be on top is fine. But lying there making noises while we do all the hard work is not. Atleast keep your hands busy! And switch once in a while!

14) PLAYING THE YOGA-MASTER.
If you want to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but understand your partners limitations. And I cant stress this point enough – know your own limits as well! 😛

15) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. But some of us are too old to carry off a hickey! So please – gently!

16) PLAYING FOOTBALL COACH.
Don’t shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It’s NOT a turn-on!

17) CRUSH LOAD FACTOR.
Men generally weigh more, so when you get on top distribute the load a bit please.

18) COMING TOO SOON OR TOO LATE.
Finishing too soon – every man’s fear! With good reason too! We have this community joke about Indian men being 2 minute noodles! Especially when you are with a dude since “everything is tighter” (or so I have been told)!  But seriously – No worries if you shoot before time-it happens! Just make sure you have a backup plan to ensure we get there too.

On the other extreme, some dudes think going for an hour without finishing is a sign of potency! Its not! Three 15 minute sessions spaced out through the night are better than a single one hour marathon!

19) LEAVING A LITTLE PRESENT BEHIND.
Condom disposal is the Top’s responsibility. You wore it, you dispose it. PROPERLY!

20) THANKING US.
Ugh! Never ever thank someone “after”! EVER!


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